Do men really know better?
I need to address a phenomenon that often baffles me: women who ask men for dating advice. I’m not talking about some of the awesome men who are amazing dating, relationship and love coaches, but the average, everyday Joe. Now, intellectually I understand the reason why, you want to know what men are thinking when they do certain things. You want to know what motivates and drives men to do the things that drive you crazy. Or perhaps you’re hoping that your male friends will shed some light on why you’re still single and don’t want to be. I also love it how some women talk about their male friends as though they are some sort of rare prize they won at Coney Island or a local fair (that’s sarcasm by the way, and a topic for another day).
Women often prize men and what they think, regardless of his character or without knowing anything about his dealings with women in his personal life. Please don’t take this as me being negative about your male friends because I believe it’s important to have men in your life whether they be friends or lovers. Men bring an entirely different energy and dynamic to our often estrogen-filled conversations and it can be quite refreshing.But it’s important to keep it all in perspective.
The week before an ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I knew something had shifted in our relationship, I knew we were in trouble but I didn’t know why or what he would do next. At the time I was wearing my hair in a short fro, so I went to my barber to get my hair cut. While we were making small talk, I explained to him the situation I was in with my then boyfriend and he very matter-of-factly told me “That was his way of gently breaking up with you”. Lo and behold, not even a week later that’s exactly what happened.
At the time, I was so blinded by love and my insatiable need to hold on to that man I loved so dearly, I didn’t want to listen to my own gut instinct which had already told me something was wrong, but I didn’t want to see it. If I’d had enough courage at the time to ask my then boyfriend a few more direct questions, we probably would’ve broken up the week before it actually happened. But I was so taken off guard and didn’t want to lose the relationship that I would’ve reached for almost anything to have kept the relationship going.
The reason why most women ask men for dating advice is because of the need to fill in the emptiness that surrounds why they are single. When you feel like you’ve done everything you were supposed to do to meet the right man and you’re tired of being a bridesmaid for the 500th time, you can begin to wonder if something’s wrong with you. But I would encourage you to try a little experiment: talk to 5 women in your life of all different ages who are happily married or in long-term relationships and ask them how much advice they got from men (excluding their fathers and brothers) about love before meeting their significant other? My guess is the answer is not many.
The lesson here is to 1) own your feelings about what it means for you to be single when you don’t want to be, 2)keep meeting men 3) listen to your gut
When you date or enter into a relationship with a grown man, he’ll either tell you or show you everything you need to know. No other male perspective required.
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